By Ifediogor Uche
Love is a beautiful thing. It is sweet at the same time might be bitter if not checked. Relationship is not always easy, and you and your partner won’t always get along. However, you should be sure to understand when things are going out the wire.
No matter how we tend to be blinded in love, we should never forget that we are humans,we are not faultless. Your love interest or significant other is a man or woman who has blood running through his or her vein. Therefore, no matter how much we like to pretend in a relationship , we should be aware that everyone has flaws. However, we also should be able to discern when a relationship is becoming toxic.
Truth be told, Sometimes romance makes it hard to see the signs that you’re in a bad relationship especially when you are into your love interest -You are drunk in love.
The beginning of every relationship is always sweet, beautiful and tasteful. But as time goes on there are few things that can break a well built relationship overtime.
Here are 12 Toxic Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate.
1. Lack Of Respect
There is no way you will mention a healthy relationship without respect included in it. Cultivating a healthy relationship begins with respect from both parties.
Everyone deserves respect in relationships. A relationship needs to be watered or oiled with respect.
The word respect in a relationship should not be neglected. It shouldn’t be overlooked.
Just as your generator needs oil and petrol to run and function properly, generating light that will in no doubt illuminate the house, relationship also needs respect to function properly. A relationship that respect is lacking will not stand the test of time. No matter what You are not supposed to disrespect your partner.
However, a partner who truly loves you will not disrespect you. A partner who doesn’t respect you will create a big gap in your relationship, thereby attracting negative vibes and feelings. Suffice to say, this is one of the behavior you shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship. But mind you respect is reciprocal. A healthy relationship requires mutual respect.
2. Physical Abuse/Verbal/Emotional .
Physical/Verbal and Emotional abuse, these three things should never be tolerated.These three form of abuse should be intorable in a relationship. Someone who claims to care about you or love you will not put you down. Your partner should not torture you mentally, abuses you emotionally or even hits you. Don’t give room for this, it is toxic.
No matter how you love someone, abusing the person physically will create a room for bad energy. A relationship that is built with abuses of any kind and violence will not last. There is no how one can justify violence or abuse in a relationship. No matter how you try to paint it. Even if you’re having a fight or a heated argument with your partner, it doesn’t give your partner the room or right to beat you, abuse you physically , verbally, or emotionally. It doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you. A man who truly love you will not beat you. A woman who truly love you will not disrespect you.
No matter the circumstances , you don’t have the right to abuse your partner. You don’t have the right to beat her. You don’t have the right to abuse him verbally. However, if you are in a relationship don’t tolerate this, except you want to end up in a miserable way. Tolerating this will be detrimental to you.
As difficult as this may be for some people to believe, love is not all that rosy. There are good, sweet and ugly side to it in every relationship. Of course, you must encounter some purple patches in one way or the other.The truth is, couples fight, argue and involve in arguments. No doubt about that but that should not give room for insults and uneccesary criticism. Making hurtful or rude comments should not be tolerated in a relationship.
Criticism can be healthy when done constructively and not destructively.As human, we are emotional being. No body actually feel good to be insulted or criticize in a bad way. Of course, many a times we don’t want to be told that we are wrong. But there is always a way to do this, you correct with love and not insults.
No matter the reason, you should be with someone who respects you and not raining insults on you. Feeling insulted everytime by your partner is a sign that you are in a toxic/bad relationship. Its a red flag all together.
Your partner should bring out the best in you, and not the one to bring you down. You should not tolerate a partner that insults and criticize you destructively. You should not tolerate someone who put you down, insults you and criticize you destructively.
4.Toying with your Emotions
Everyone deserves respect, affection , and love in relationships. We want to feel excited, happy about our relationship and life. Actually, that should be a prerogative.When you are in a relationship you want to feel loved. You want affection and care, and not the opposite.
Being taken for granted can hurt badly. No matter what, there are just some things you should never tolerate in a relationship. This could be toxic to your relationship. Relationship should be like a flower that must be watered, taken care of to flourish and not toyed with. Staying together with a partner don’t care about you, your opinion, emotions, and feelings would affect your relationship. A man or a woman should be able to connect with you. Care about you and emotionally available for you.
When you sense that your emotions are being toyed with, give that relationship a break. Never tolerate someone who doesn’t take the time to make you feel special, rather toys with your emotions. Don’t give room for your partner to torture you emotionally.
Trust is a key foundation in any relationship. Onces trust is broken the foundation will begin to crack until it finally destroy. The virtue for a healthy relationship among others is trust. On the other hand, lies is one of the dangerous enemies of relationship.
Relationship built on lies will eventually crash. Lieing can hurt, just as loving can hurt too. Lies or dishonesty will never keep a relationship intact.
6. Lack of communication
Communication is such a wolationship, both close and long distance relationship. It create a bond and chemistry between you and your partner. When their is proper communication and every other thing is checked and put in place, what binds you will be stronger than what separate you. However, lack of communication can cause a big dent in a relationship. Not being able to communicate properly with the person you’re in a relationship with is a bad. That relationship will not be healthy, let alone flourish.
For the records, communication goes beyond calling, texting, chatting and gisting. When you and your partner can’t even have a normal conversation, or a meaningful one, it means something is wrong. A situation whereby every little thing you say bores him or her, the relationship won’t move forward. Whenever he or she wants to speak with you he’s always selective with his or her choice of words so as not to offend you or say the wrong thing. This is really dangerous and it can destroy a relationship. A breach in communication can increase distance in a relationship.
7. Controlling Behavior.
You don’t need to lose your freedom because you are in a relationship. You can make everything moderate but not lose your freedom and sanity. Relationship as it were inolves. Relationship as stated earlier involves two person. It should be equal and no one should be less import. There should be room for both parties to give opinion and contributions.
Relationship should not be bossy, or in a controlling manner. When your partner tries to control what you do, how you do it and when you do it according to their own order, wish. This will destroy your relationship completely because you won’t express your feelings, opinions, to each other. An overly controlling behavior from your partner can be toxic. A partner who control every aspect of your relationship and your life without giving you any trust or benefit of doubt should not be tolerated .This kind of person should have no place in your life, and this kind of relationship should not be tolerated because it is toxic.
8. Someone who doesn’t support your dreams.
We rise by lifting each others. When it comes to your dreams and goals your partner should be their to help you actualize it. To encourage you, support you, advice you and back you. A partner who doesn’t support your dreams should not be tolerated. You can’t be in a relationship with someone who dismisses your dreams.
In a relationship, you are meant to be selfless, compromise. Put yourself in your partners shoe, and don’t think of your own emotions alone. Think about how your partner feel. A relationship that is self centered should not be tolerated. It can’t be you all the time. Carry your partner along.
Any man or woman that can’t take responsibility for his action, what he or she does or say would never take you serious in a relationship. Refusing to be held accountable from ones action is a big redflag to watch out for in a relationship.
It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be accountable. Irresponsibility is another sign of a toxic relationship.
11. Personal Interest
It is true that so many people enter into a relationship because of what they can get from their partner. Because of selfish interest and not selfless love.
Being in a relationship for your own personal interest to get something from your partner is the worst that can happen to anyone. You are only concerned on milking your partner for you own good and never cares about him or her. If your partner cares more about your money, sex than your personal development then you need to check yourself. You have to ask yourself am i being loved or being used. A loving partner helps you grow and not to exploit you sexually or spend unnecessarily.
Most girls act or sees relationship as poverty alleviating program. As an automatic employment where they receive pay and if that doesn’t happen it means the man doesn’t love her. On the flip side too most guys also sees relationship as a means of satisfying their sexual desire.
Apart from this nothing again to offer in the relationship. Note, you are not entitled to his money by virtue of being in a relationship with him. Same goes to the man, you are not entilted to her body. You shouldn’t tolerate this kind of relationship no matter how blinded you claim to be in love. It is toxic!
This is a physcholigical manipulation where you feel guilt of something you know you didn’t do wrong. Your partner makes your feel you are wrong even when you know you didn’t do anything wrong.
According to dictionary definition, gaslighting is to manipulate someone psychologically such that they question their own memory, perception and sanity, thereby evoking in them low self-esteem and cognitive dissonance. Gaslighting is a toxic behavior you should not tolerate in a relationship.