What Is Toxicity?
This is the quality of being very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.
What Is A Toxic Relationship?
This is any relationship characterized by behaviours on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and not infrequently, physically damaging.
A toxic relationship is bad and shouldn’t be encouraged. What defines a toxic relationship is dysfunction as the norm.
A toxic partner always want to be in control and overtly passive, in doing that, he or she used several type of controlling behaviours to achieve his or her ends.
It is a common adjure that relationships are tough, sometimes with fight and rough patches as a par for the course. The truth remains that toxic relationship is barbaric and shouldn’t be encouraged.
According to estimate published by WHO, indicates that globally about 1in 3(30%) of women worldwide have been subject to either physical and/ or sexually intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
This article on toxicity is not only discriminatory to the male gender but also to the female gender.
According to a national statistics by national coalition against domestic violence (NCADV),1 in 7 men have been victim to severe physical violence (e.g beating, burning, strangling etc) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
A toxic female partner often expect perfection from their partner and relationships. They may not even be a perfectionist themself, yes they will frequently ‘lose it’ when things don’t go according to their plan and they get toxic.
Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship.
Here are some of the signs and redflag to watch out.
1. When Your Partner Is Being To Jealous.
Well, it’s fine to experience a little jealousy from time to time in relationships, but it can be an issue when it lead to constant suspicion and mistrust.
Jealousy is a perfectly natural human emotion as we tend to get jealous whenever we see our partner with another, but when it leads to being emotionally and physically abused by your partner then that is toxic.
A female friend of mine came up to me to seek for advice. She said whenever her partner sees her with the opposite gender, he gets jealous easily and sometimes disgracing her by walking to them, disrupting their conversation and forcefully taking her away.
The time came when she saw her old-time male classmate and he came to greet her, giving her a warm hug since it’s been ages they saw each other. Her partner who saw what happened angrily went home and when she came back home that day he gave her a smack on her face. This kind of a partner is toxic and should be watched out for.
2. Too Insecure.
The underlying basics of toxic relationship involves insecurity. This sign is often more subtle and less obvious.
There is a level of privacy in every relationship and when this line are crossed, then you should watch out for toxicity.
When a person have an excessive need to always be in charge, they make all the decision and define the relationship on their terms.
At times, your partner could ask you who called you or who you went out with but when it gets often and when such a partner answers all calls that comes into your phone at all times, always questioning you of your whereabouts in an abusive way, want to take charge of all decision-making in the relationship, then such a partner might be toxic.
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence abuse or harassment which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases the indicator of a toxic relationship are much more subtle.
Another sign is the controlling behaviour. He or she trying to manage your money against your will, secluding you from loved ones and friends, requiring access to your personal devices such as phone or email or even your social media account forcefully.
3. Verbal Abuse (Emotional Abusers).
A partner who abuses you, using oral language, gestured language is toxic.
In every relationship, argument are normal, even in a healthy relationship. sometimes, when the other person makes a decision you disagree with or decision that inconveniences you, maybe even hurts your feeling, in a safe healthy, way you and your partner can evenly discuss the situation.
According to DOMESTIC SHELTER article, Verbal abuse is a pattern of speaking with the intent to demean, humiliate, blame or threaten the victim.
Though the abuser may raise your voice in mean and threatening way, but this abuse does not always include shouting but can simply be defined by the manner in which the abuser is speaking, typically a demeaning demoralizing way, you get insult and names your parents haven’t called you before, he or she calls you ‘stupid, good for nothing’ to someone he or she claims they love. It’s toxic.
4. Bad Temper.
This individual have an unpredictable and hair-trigger temper. This kind of person or individual get easily angered and can be abusive as well.
Whenever he or she get angry, they become aggressive or being very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. That is a red flag.
If you confront a bad-tempered partner about the inappropriateness of their anger they will almost always blame their temper outburst on you.
A partner who apologizes after inflicting injuries to you and later on abuses you and ask for forgiveness again is being manipulative and toxic.
A partner who also throws and break things around the house when he or she gets angry is also toxic. Controlling your temper should be a major tool in building a healthy relationship.
5. One Sided Love And Care.
When all the work, love, compromise, care and affection comes from only you, then is a sign you are in a toxic relationship.
Nobody can hold a relationship together when they are the only one doing the work. it’s lonely and exhausting when the communication is going dime, when he or she frowns at all your suggestion or ideas, when your partner can’t even protect you and you feel unsafe around such a person, then it’s a big sign.
When a partner lies and cheats which dissolve trust as if it was never there to begin with. Once trust is so far gone it’s hard to get it back.
What Can I Do?
Relationship can start healthy, but bad feeling, bad history, peer group influence or long-term unmet need can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it.
All relationship are worth giving a try and worth the fight until they are not. In a toxic relationship there will always be fallout, moodiness,anger and happiness becomes the norms.
If the relationship is toxic, it is likely that all the fight in the world won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on.
So, it is better to leave such a relationship. even worse, if your relationship is toxic you will be more and more damaged by staying in it. sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go and move on.
Nowadays, most people continue to live with abusive/toxic partner maybe because of the benefits they are getting from such a person but this is wrong. You deserve better.
You are special and their is someone out there who will worship you and treat you like a king or queen that you are.
When a person also complains about how you look, and makes you feel worthless, just remember their is someone who wants you like that. He or she always complain you have big eyes, their is someone out their that will see those eyes and say it looks sexy. Never settle for less. Thanks☺️
About the author.
Nwakanma Henry is a poet, an author and a writer. He’s a 300level chemical engineering student and has passion for writing. He has written several articles and have a published book to his name.
Follow him on IG/Twitter @henzpen